Posts Tagged ‘beer’

Football is only a small part of the Super Bowl Big D!ck Contest. After all, there are only so many actual Giants or Patriots fans who really care if they win the Vince Lombardi Trophy and the Big D!ck Contest of Bragging Rights.

The Fans

Who has the most fans? Nielsen reported that the Giants are winning the social buzz 59% – 41% over the Patriots. However, Patriots QB Tom Brady has double the buzz of Giants QB Eli Manning. And no, the report didn’t give the gender breakdowns.

The Bets

One-third of us bet on the Super Bowl according to CouponCabin.com just to keep the game interesting.

The Food

The USDA confirms that Super Bowl Sunday is the second highest day of food consumption, just behind Thanksgiving. More than 1200 calories are consumed just on snacks reports the Calorie Control Council and Snack Food Association.

Super Bowl favorites include:

• 1.25 billion chicken wings, which is 4 for every man, woman, and child in America. ~ National Chicken Council

• 71.4 million pounds of Hass avocados. ~ Hass Avocado Board

• 11.2 million pounds of potato chips and 8.2 million pounds of tortilla chips. ~ Calorie Control Council & Snack Food Association

• 4.4 million pizzas will be ordered from Pizza Hut, Domino’s and Papa John’s alone. ~ The Wall Street Journal (February 2, 2012)

• 3.8 million pounds of popcorn. ~ Calorie Control Council & Snack Food Association

• 2.5 million pounds of nuts. ~ Calorie Control Council & Snack Food Association

• Baby carrot sales increase at least 25%. ~ The Wall Street Journal (February 2, 2012)

• Only 51.7 million cases of beer are drank which makes it lag behind the warm weather beer drinking July Fourth, Memorial Day, and Labor Day holidays. ~ The Wall Street Journal (February 2, 2012)

• More than 12 million people are expected to watch the Super Bowl at a bar or restaurant to avoid the food prep and clean-up, but 48 million will order take-out. ~ The National Restaurant Association

Of course, the overeating increases antacid sales by 20% the Monday after the Super Bowl according to 7-Eleven.

The Commercials

The anomaly freeze in Dallas last year only impacted the Super Bowl pre-game festivities. The 111 million record viewing audience helped increase the cost of a 30-second commercial to $3.5 million or a 14.2% increase according to superbowl-ads.com. Of course, when you’re paying these rates you want to increase the buzz bang for the buck, so it’s common practice to leak the ads online and to news stations before the big game. For some of us, who mainly watch for the commercials, is there even a reason left to watch the game?

Interestingly, the NFL, exerts its girth, and advertisers not officially affiliated to the Super Bowl must use the words like the “big game,” instead of Super Bowl. If they don’t they’ll get a nasty letter from one of the NFL’s BD attorneys to pull the ad.

The TV’s

Since nine out of ten of us watch the Super Bowl at home according to Nielsen, it’s not surprising that 4.5 million people plan to buy a new TV for the big day according to Parade (January 29, 2012).

Halftime

While the halftime entertainment always draws big names, unless there’s a wardrobe malfunction we probably won’t remember who performed the previous year. If you’re wondering last year it was The Black Eyed Peas.

Work Impact

Employers expect to lose over 1.03 billion dollars in productivity due to Super Bowl Week office chatter according to Challenger, Gray, & Christmas.

After the big game as many as 1.5 million people will call in sick and 4.4 million will be late predicts the Workforce Institute at Kronos. This might indicate that Americans across all political persuasions may actually agree that the day after the Super Bowl should be a national holiday.

The Host City

The economic impact for a host city is in the millions for the overpriced Super Bowl tickets, hotels, food, and travel. And for all the events to entertain the fans including those celebrity packed parties where the celebrity gets paid to celebrate.

And the Super Bowl Big D!ck Contest Winner is…

Regardless of who actually wins the Super Bowl title each year, the NFL has created an event that’s bigger than football or the teams involved. In 2011, more than $10.1 billion was spent on items for the Super Bowl from food to furniture, according to Parade (January 29, 2012). There’s no doubt that money is the Super Bowl Big D!ck winner year after year. It’s just a question of who gets paid.

Ironically, at that point in my life I’d never drank champagne so I didn’t even know if I’d like it, but thought I wanted it…

Like most firemen, my dad worked more than one job to make ends meet until he retired

“Lafferty, you have champagne taste on a beer budget,” was my dad’s motto for me. Every time I heard it, I’d snarl because my dad was implying an unheard of brand of beer to boot. Then I’d think, “When I’m grown up, I’ll just make more money to afford the champagne.”

My dad understood that there were economic classes and that moving up wasn’t easy. He had a child who aspired to live in a class above his–and he wanted to protect me from disappointment. It’s not that he thought the “haves” were better than the “have not’s”. But he probably had a bias, fair or unfair, that the majority of rich people were snobs and thought their d!cks were just a little stouter than everyone else’s.

My dad was a fireman. At work, he was an Indifferent Big D!ck Contest player. He knew there was a BDC being played, but he didn’t want to play. He felt the annoyance of dealing with the politics to climb the ladder to get a bigger title with more responsibility wasn’t worth the teeny amount of extra money he’d make.

At one point during his career the city was short lieutenants and he’d have to fill in as an “acting” lieutenant from time to time. Even though he got paid more, he didn’t want to be a lieutenant. He finally wrote a letter to the city’s HR department stating he would no longer be an acting lieutenant because if he wanted the job he’d have applied to for it. When pushed my dad would play the BDC, but in general he just wanted to fly under the radar.

Ultimately he believed it was better to be penny wise than chase a Big D!ck Lifestyle and be beholden to creditors and money.

The Big D!ck Contest of Money

This GOP primary season has made it obvious that many, if not the majority, of the elected officials are oblivious to how most Americans feel about the Big D!ck Contest of Money. Two of the most notable gaffs have been made by Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. These comments came from guys who clearly think their d!cks are so big that they must shield them from the reality the majority of us see clearly:

Rick included in his Iowa caucus speech that “there isn’t a class system in America.”

Mitt told Matt Lauer, from the Today Show, that people who question the fairness of the current tax system for the middle class compared to the wealthy are “envious.”

My dad taught me that America has both a beer and champagne class

Fortunately, we don’t have a caste system. If you want to play the Big D!ck Contest, you have the opportunity to climb the class ladder to live a bigger American dream.

More important, my dad also taught me that everyone doesn’t want to win the Big D!ck Contest of Money. Maybe Mitt envies Warren Buffett’s money, but there are millions of people, like my dad, who don’t envy Mitt’s or anyone else’s money. If my dad won a billion dollars, the only difference in his lifestyle would be he had a bigger bank balance.

My dad can afford branded beer, or even some champagne, but he still chooses to drink the no brand stuff because he’s never wanted to change classes or win the Big D!ck Contest of Money.

Perhaps the Indifferent Big D!ck Contest Playermay be the wisest because they know that the measure of a person really isn’t if they can afford beer or champagne–it’s how they treat other people.