Once upon a time, I was an idealist. I believed, “Work hard, do the right thing, and live the American Dream.” But then reality rained on my parade, and I could no longer ignore that living the American Dream is only about one thing: Playing The Big D!ck Contest.
The Big D!ck Contest is the relentless game of who has the most, the best, the fastest, the biggest, and the newest. It’s also the game of who does and doesn’t get to do it “their way,” and who wins or loses. It’s the game of being number one. The game of entitlement. The game of favoritism. It’s the game of those who kiss up, and those who get kissed. It’s the game of who has the actual or perceived power at the moment.
Who plays The Big D!ck Contest?
Everyone. And I mean everyone, including those we may not suspect. If you’ve been in a house with a screaming baby, you know that everyone in that house will do whatever they can to calm the little tyke down. It’s not that the baby intentionally played The Big D!ck Contest. But the person or circumstance that controls the actions of others at any given moment automatically wins that moment’s Big D!ck Contest.
And no, it’s not only a game for the yang gender. The Big D!ck Contest doesn’t discriminate against sex, age, race, religion, ZIP Code, degree, or job title. It’s equal opportunity.
Most of us believe that when we win a Big D!ck Contest we’ll be happy or at least happier. These wins usually make us happy for at least a couple of minutes. After all, The Big D!ck Contest is most often about instant gratification.
But if you believe that you can win every Big D!ck Contest – well, you’re delusional and I can’t help you. There are too many contests and too many players, which means too many Big D!ck Wannabes trying to win Big D!ck Titles. The best that the majority of us can ever do (even the biggest D!cks) is win a Big D!ck Contest here and there. But the moment anyone wins a Big D!ck Title, someone else will try to take that title away. And eventually someone will succeed.
I know, you think, “If only I were one of those business tycoons, movie stars, or politicians, my d!ck would be so big that no one could ever take it away.” Not true. Even those people co-exist with spouses, kids, investors, lobbyists, constituents, and the paparazzi – all of whom can deflate a Big D!ck.
You can be a Big D!ck one moment, lose the title the next, and then gain it back in a nanosecond. It’s like a football game. Even when you play defense, you can intercept a pass and score a touchdown. It’s always possible for the game to change at any minute.
No one really explains to us the ins and outs of The Big D!ck Contest. It’s politely described as, “Keeping Up With the Joneses,” “The Rat Race,” “Being Top Dog or Alpha Male,” or simply “Mine’s Bigger Than Yours.” And the politically correct descriptions of The Big D!ck Contest don’t do it justice. It’s a cruel, harsh, and never-ending game.
Sometimes we’re a contestant and we don’t even realize it. More often than not, we’re just a supporting cast member in someone else’s quest for a Big D!ck Title. Some days we just want to compete with the other Big D!cks for the fun of it. And occasionally we just want to have a Big D!ck for the sake of having it – even if it’s just for a fleeting moment.
If I’d understood the game sooner, I’m not sure what size my d!ck could be by now. But at least I’d have been better prepared to play a game that, like it or not, I was going to be stuck playing until I died.
This book is not about how to win The Big D!ck Contest. Instead, The Big D!ck Contest: Exposed simply exposes The Big D!ck Contest. What you do with this knowledge is entirely up to you.